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An epidemic of adultery. Rebecca, a mother of two in a quiet New England town, must first clarify: “I myself have not had an affair,” she says. But many days she feels like she’s the only one. In the past few years, three of Rebecca’s closest friends have ended their marriages following year-to-two-year-long affairs with other men. “All three were working and traveling,” she says. “All had younger kids.” Two left home, voluntarily giving up primary custody to their exes. “We were all best friends and now barely speak,” Rebecca says. “But we run into each other at soccer … in a small circle of friends, it seems crazy. We’ve seen this happen three times!” Source: NYMag.The crazy part. The crazy part, she elaborates, is not the apparent epidemic of adultery, but that it’s the women who seem to be fueling it.It is, perhaps, another milestone in the march to equality. Women and men are now taking an equal-opportunity approach to extramarital hanky-panky. A report out of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University found that, for the first time in modern history, women are cheating at nearly the same rate as men. Another study, published in the National Opinion Research Center’s 2013 General Social Survey, found that while the percentage of men who admitted to infidelity has held constant over the last two decades, the percentage of wives who reported having affairs rose almost 40 percent. Gary Spivak, founder of FidelityDating, a dating website designed to help users “find a loving non-cheater” — typically after being two-timed — says that last year membership on the site was largely female. Just one year later, it’s an even 50-50 split, NYMag continues.
Why do you think more women are cheating now? Part of the reason is access. Women are in the workplace more than ever before. So they have access to men who might be interesting and available to them. And the Internet and social media has made cheating so much easier to do. Cheating is basically just a click away now, wrote the Huffington Post.
It seems like more men get caught than women. Men are said to cheat more not because they are not in love with their partners, but because of the opportunity presenting itself, combined with a lack of satisfaction they may feel in a relationship. Or sometimes it’s as simple as needing attention. While women are said to cheat for emotional reasons and the hypothesis is that women are likely to be more careful and less sloppy about cheating, unlike men. And because of that reason, women are far less likely to get caught than men. Apparently wanting to protect their emotional fulfillment is a meticulous art for women. While men, cheating for more physical and superficial reasons, tend to become more careless.
What role does society play? We live in a society that romanticizes love. Many of us hold deep seated wishes that love and romance should look and feel like it does in the movies. When love fails to live up to this impossible to achieve image, there’s a feeling on missing out on the real thing. This disappointment combined with a more disposable feeling about the institution of marriage, has certainly contributed to both women and men cheating more. Divorce is a lot easier to get. The mindset (which started in the 70s) is much more focused on personal fulfillment. And If your marriage isn’t making you happy, there is this mindset, that you can always get out and find another partner. We’re also living longer, which can make it more challenging to stay emotionally connected to one’s partner over the decades, the Huffington Post continues.
About the internet... Experts suggest there are a few reasons for this shift. There’s the internet, which has made finding a better and/or different partner easier than ever. There’s opportunity — more women are working outside the house, and meeting new partners in the process. And there’s economics. As women are increasingly filling the role of family breadwinners, they no longer “need” men the way they used to and so feel freer to take chances they might otherwise not. That’s the theory, anyway. Then again, a 2015 study by researchers at the University of Connecticut found that while, for men, breadwinning increases infidelity, for women, breadwinning decreases infidelity. (“By remaining faithful,” writes study author Christin Munsch, “breadwinning women neutralize their gender deviance and keep potentially strained relationships intact”) says NYMag.
The study done by thisisinsider. When asked the reasons why they strayed in the relationship, people who identified as women in the US and Europe had the same #1 answer: They felt that their partner had stopped giving them the attention they needed.The other top answers differed a bit between American and European women, but some of the other answers included that the person they cheated with was there for them, the other person was hot, and that they were having doubts about their relationship, wrote thisisinsider.
Simple attraction. When the people who identified as men were asked the same question, however, the top answer was very different. Both European and American men said that the top reason they cheated was because the person they cheated with was attractive.Some of the other top reasons why men cheated were that they weren't having enough sex, people were hitting on them, and the person they cheated with was there for them, according to Insider.
Women and emotional cheating. Insider continued, based on this survey, the men's answers focused more on the physical act of cheating while the women's answers gravitated towards emotional cheating. Men also cited much more frequently that they couldn't resist when a person in public was hitting on them, which the authors of the survey then linked to a different study about women having more self-control than men do.
The definition of cheating. The study also surveyed the same 2,000 people on times when they feel they pushed the limit, but didn't cheat. They found that women were more likely than men to get emotionally close to someone — the most common form of cheating— or spoon. They also found that men were slightly more likely to have vaginal intercourse or engage in "heavy petting," but not consider it cheating, according to Insider.
Extra pair bonding. Another recent study found that some women are genetically predisposed to “extra pair bonding,” euphemistically speaking. Men don’t have this gene, at least according to NYMag.
Do men play a role? I’m not sure that we can blame men for this. Men actually tend to be happier statistically in marriage, than women do. Perhaps men don’t realize women need to be fulfilled emotionally, in order to want to stay married. Women have the ability to financially take care of themselves and get out of a bad marriage, if they really are not really happy, the Huffington Post reports.
The gender gap in adultery. But the prevailing theory is that modern marriage is what’s killing marriage — that the more deliberation women put into whom they pair up with, the more willing and motivated they are to make a move when something’s not working. “The gender gap in adultery is closing, and it’s not just about opportunity and possibility,” says Helen Fisher, PhD, author of Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray (NYMag).
Justified to go elsewhere. “But it is about choice. Women now are more aware of the alternatives to monogamy and more inclined to demand to have all their needs met. That’s because happiness is such an important part of marriage. Fewer women are marrying out of need; instead, they’re marrying to please themselves. But that also means when they’re dissatisfied with something they feel justified to go elsewhere.”
Women are more forgiven. “Women are more forgiven because it’s the struggle of being a certain type of powerful woman,” she says. “You were a different person when you began the relationship. And he’s just not.” Source: NYMag.
An epidemic of adultery. Rebecca, a mother of two in a quiet New England town, must first clarify: “I myself have not had an affair,” she says. But many days she feels like she’s the only one. In the past few years, three of Rebecca’s closest friends have ended their marriages following year-to-two-year-long affairs with other men. “All three were working and traveling,” she says. “All had younger kids.” Two left home, voluntarily giving up primary custody to their exes. “We were all best friends and now barely speak,” Rebecca says. “But we run into each other at soccer … in a small circle of friends, it seems crazy. We’ve seen this happen three times!” Source: NYMag.The crazy part. The crazy part, she elaborates, is not the apparent epidemic of adultery, but that it’s the women who seem to be fueling it.It is, perhaps, another milestone in the march to equality. Women and men are now taking an equal-opportunity approach to extramarital hanky-panky. A report out of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University found that, for the first time in modern history, women are cheating at nearly the same rate as men. Another study, published in the National Opinion Research Center’s 2013 General Social Survey, found that while the percentage of men who admitted to infidelity has held constant over the last two decades, the percentage of wives who reported having affairs rose almost 40 percent. Gary Spivak, founder of FidelityDating, a dating website designed to help users “find a loving non-cheater” — typically after being two-timed — says that last year membership on the site was largely female. Just one year later, it’s an even 50-50 split, NYMag continues.
Why do you think more women are cheating now? Part of the reason is access. Women are in the workplace more than ever before. So they have access to men who might be interesting and available to them. And the Internet and social media has made cheating so much easier to do. Cheating is basically just a click away now, wrote the Huffington Post.
It seems like more men get caught than women. Men are said to cheat more not because they are not in love with their partners, but because of the opportunity presenting itself, combined with a lack of satisfaction they may feel in a relationship. Or sometimes it’s as simple as needing attention. While women are said to cheat for emotional reasons and the hypothesis is that women are likely to be more careful and less sloppy about cheating, unlike men. And because of that reason, women are far less likely to get caught than men. Apparently wanting to protect their emotional fulfillment is a meticulous art for women. While men, cheating for more physical and superficial reasons, tend to become more careless.
What role does society play? We live in a society that romanticizes love. Many of us hold deep seated wishes that love and romance should look and feel like it does in the movies. When love fails to live up to this impossible to achieve image, there’s a feeling on missing out on the real thing. This disappointment combined with a more disposable feeling about the institution of marriage, has certainly contributed to both women and men cheating more. Divorce is a lot easier to get. The mindset (which started in the 70s) is much more focused on personal fulfillment. And If your marriage isn’t making you happy, there is this mindset, that you can always get out and find another partner. We’re also living longer, which can make it more challenging to stay emotionally connected to one’s partner over the decades, the Huffington Post continues.
About the internet... Experts suggest there are a few reasons for this shift. There’s the internet, which has made finding a better and/or different partner easier than ever. There’s opportunity — more women are working outside the house, and meeting new partners in the process. And there’s economics. As women are increasingly filling the role of family breadwinners, they no longer “need” men the way they used to and so feel freer to take chances they might otherwise not. That’s the theory, anyway. Then again, a 2015 study by researchers at the University of Connecticut found that while, for men, breadwinning increases infidelity, for women, breadwinning decreases infidelity. (“By remaining faithful,” writes study author Christin Munsch, “breadwinning women neutralize their gender deviance and keep potentially strained relationships intact”) says NYMag.
The study done by thisisinsider. When asked the reasons why they strayed in the relationship, people who identified as women in the US and Europe had the same #1 answer: They felt that their partner had stopped giving them the attention they needed.The other top answers differed a bit between American and European women, but some of the other answers included that the person they cheated with was there for them, the other person was hot, and that they were having doubts about their relationship, wrote thisisinsider.
Simple attraction. When the people who identified as men were asked the same question, however, the top answer was very different. Both European and American men said that the top reason they cheated was because the person they cheated with was attractive.Some of the other top reasons why men cheated were that they weren't having enough sex, people were hitting on them, and the person they cheated with was there for them, according to Insider.
Women and emotional cheating. Insider continued, based on this survey, the men's answers focused more on the physical act of cheating while the women's answers gravitated towards emotional cheating. Men also cited much more frequently that they couldn't resist when a person in public was hitting on them, which the authors of the survey then linked to a different study about women having more self-control than men do.
The definition of cheating. The study also surveyed the same 2,000 people on times when they feel they pushed the limit, but didn't cheat. They found that women were more likely than men to get emotionally close to someone — the most common form of cheating— or spoon. They also found that men were slightly more likely to have vaginal intercourse or engage in "heavy petting," but not consider it cheating, according to Insider.
Extra pair bonding. Another recent study found that some women are genetically predisposed to “extra pair bonding,” euphemistically speaking. Men don’t have this gene, at least according to NYMag.
Do men play a role? I’m not sure that we can blame men for this. Men actually tend to be happier statistically in marriage, than women do. Perhaps men don’t realize women need to be fulfilled emotionally, in order to want to stay married. Women have the ability to financially take care of themselves and get out of a bad marriage, if they really are not really happy, the Huffington Post reports.
The gender gap in adultery. But the prevailing theory is that modern marriage is what’s killing marriage — that the more deliberation women put into whom they pair up with, the more willing and motivated they are to make a move when something’s not working. “The gender gap in adultery is closing, and it’s not just about opportunity and possibility,” says Helen Fisher, PhD, author of Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray (NYMag).
Justified to go elsewhere. “But it is about choice. Women now are more aware of the alternatives to monogamy and more inclined to demand to have all their needs met. That’s because happiness is such an important part of marriage. Fewer women are marrying out of need; instead, they’re marrying to please themselves. But that also means when they’re dissatisfied with something they feel justified to go elsewhere.”
Women are more forgiven. “Women are more forgiven because it’s the struggle of being a certain type of powerful woman,” she says. “You were a different person when you began the relationship. And he’s just not.” Source: NYMag.
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