Female experimentation. The National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles found that women are becoming far more adventures and fluid when it comes to their sexuality. Not only that, however, but women are also better educated about sex and less afraid to experiment. Go, ladies!
Increase. One of the most shocking results? The staggering increase in women having same-sex bedroom experiences. In 1990, only 4 percent of women claimed they had experimented with another lady in-between the sheets, with 2 percent revealing it involved genital contact. Then in 2010, 16 percent of women claimed they had sexual relationships with another female, with 8 percent of those encounters involving genital contact.
Men. But what about men? How do they measure up when it comes to adventure in the bedroom? Turns out, men and women couldn’t be more different when it comes to sexual exploration. Indeed, men are, well, prudes.
Barely-there increase. In 1990, 6 percent of men said they’d had same-sex experience, with 4 percent of them claiming it involved genital contact. Fast forward to 2010, and those numbers have only risen by a 1 percent margin on both counts — 7 percent and 5 percent, respectively. So, what’s going on?
Sexual fluidity. Generally, women are are thought to have a more fluid approach to sexuality. In fact, a 2015 study found that women are three times more likely to be bisexual than men. The research discovered the vast majority of men claimed to be “100 percent” homosexual or heterosexual. Meanwhile, women had a much more open-minded approach, basing their relationship choices on the traits and qualities of a partner rather than their gender.
Sexual fluidity. "This indicates that female’s sexuality may be more flexible and adaptive than men’s,” said study author Dr. Elizabeth McClintock, an assistant professor of sociology at the University of Notre Dame in the United States. “Women who are initially successful in partnering with men, as is more traditionally expected, may never explore their attraction to other women,” she added. "However, women with the same sexual attractions, but less favorable heterosexual options might have greater opportunity to experiment with same-sex partners.”
Sexual fluidity.Dr. McClintock added that men are generally less often attracted to both genders. "Men’s sexuality is, in this sense, less flexible. If a man is only attracted to one sex, romantic opportunity would little alter his sexual identity," she said. “Women have a greater probability than men of being attracted to both men and women, which gives them greater flexibility in partner choice,” she said. "Having flexible sexual attractions may grant greater importance to contextual and experiential factors when it comes to sexual identity.”
Men versus women. Beyond the fact that maybe it comes down to genetics, this all still begs the question: Why is it socially acceptable for women to experiment with other women but not for men to do the same with other men? Mainly, it’s because men wanting to experiment with other men is still a huge taboo. While girl-on-girl play has become more and more accepted over the years, guy-on-guy fun simply hasn’t. If a woman dabbles, she’s just dabbling; if a man dabbles, he’s gay.
Men versus women. "It’s acceptable—even a little chic—for straight women to have a gay fling or two,” Amy Sohn writes for New York Magazine. "But it’s a whole other story when otherwise straight men do it.” She adds that men who do experiment often tend to do it covertly — and never go past base three. "Such men maintain that they are not gay or even bisexual, just sexually progressive. And though in some cases this may just be denial, many say their interest in men comes from their frustration in the role limitations of straight sex.”
Men versus women. Regarding the role limitations of straight sex, Sohn points out that it’s beyond just the physical. Things like dominance and submission — and power in general — come into play. Traditionally speaking, straight women are the submissive in the bedroom, while straight men are to take up the role as the dominant. This, of course, gets some straight men to thinking: What if the roles were reversed?
Men versus women. But it’s not just about submission — the male body plays a role in male same-sex experimentation too, of course. "Thomas, 37, an investment banker who considers himself straight, has had sexual encounters with three men,” Sohn explains in her article. "What got him curious was, of all things, straight [adult film]. 'You see these girls doing certain things and you think they’re really hot, but sometimes the way they’re totally submissive you wonder what it’s like to be the woman. And most [adult film] involves an element of the guy’s anatomy, which is usually huge.’”
Men versus women. The larger idea at play here is that women can experiment with other women without being labeled as gay, while with men, either there’s some explanation that can explain the interaction, or they’re gay and don’t realize it/are in denial. This is due to the fact that over time, a lot of research has popped up suggesting that men’s sexuality is a lot more rigid than women’s (like the previous study we mentioned)— and that women are, by nature, more sexually adventurous/fluid. However, this sort of ideology reinforces heteronormative — and even misogynist — ideals.
The patriarchy. In an interview for New York Magazine, Jane Ward, author of “Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men,” talks in depth about what she thinks is a double standard. "It’s interesting, because if you look at this belief that women’s sexuality is more receptive — it’s more fluid, it’s triggered by external stimuli, that women have the capacity to be sort of aroused by anything and everything — it really just reinforces what we want to believe about women, which is that women are always sexually available people. With men, on the other hand, the idea that they have this hardwired heterosexual impulse to spread their seed and that that’s relatively inflexible, also kind of reinforces the party line about heteronormativity and also frankly, patriarchy."
Stigma. The patriarchy aside, there is still a ton of stigma surrounding straight men fooling around with other men. In an article titled “Why Can’t Straight Men Experiment, Too?” for the Good Men Project, Nikki Brown assets that straight men don’t have the “same right when it comes to sexual experimentation. Why is it that women can experiment whenever they feel like it? Why is it that we even have a term [LUGs – Lesbians Until Graduation] for those chicks who lick p*ssy all through college and then go moseying on back to dudes? Why is it that girls can make out with each other and aren’t told 'oh, y’all are big fat d*kes?' ”
Stigma. Brown states that culture is what dictates who gets to experiment with who, and who can’t experiment with who. "Who gets the real sh*t end of the stick (ha ha) in this? Straight dudes,” she says. "I mean the ones who identify as 'straight' – not bi, queer, or pan. They should be able to experiment, but they can’t even enjoy their wife pegging them in the butt before someone starts raisin’ an eyebrow and questioning their sexuality (…and that person might even be the wife).” She adds that “if a gay dude slips and falls into a vagina, does anyone tell him he’s not gay? If a straight chick sucks her friend’s titties, does anyone tell her she’s now a lesbian? Any dudes getting squeamish and saying they can’t pooooosibly date her now? Um…. nope.”
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