Sleeping With My Brother When I Was Younger Is Affecting My Marriage

What happens in your childhood has ripple effects throughout your entire life.  When something happens to you, whether negative or positive, it ends up having a lasting effect whether you like it or not.  This is especially the case with a man whose relationship with his brother has deeply affected him.  He's now grown and married, but when they were younger, he had sex forced upon him by a member of his own family.  Now, as an adult, it may very well have changed him irreparably.  Keep reading to find out why sleeping with my brother when I was younger is affecting my marriage.
Has your past negatively affected your future?  Let us know in the comments!

Brothers. When Mark and his older brother were younger, they had a complicated relationship. On the surface, you would have likely thought they were just like any other siblings, but their situation was unique. But not in a positive way. Mark was the victim of sexual abuse.

Growing up alone. As a kid, he always felt alone. On one hand, his brother started off as a sort of guardian because his parents were constantly out of the picture (his father had left them and his mother worked around the clock). But they eventually got too close.

A married man. Now, Mark is grown up and married. He has three children, and for a while, he was OK. But the toll that the sexual abuse had on him has resurfaced. He’s not entirely sure why, but he’s considered the fact that his son is now the age he was when the molestation started, which may have been a memory trigger.

A strained marriage. Over the years, he’s been close with his wife — close enough to keep things working — but he’s noticed something changing. He’s been more distant with his wife, and far less intimate. He’s afraid to express himself.

A bothered wife. He’s noticed his wife growing more and more distant, but he can’t blame her. He knows it’s his fault (or he at least thinks it’s his fault), so he convinces himself that the sole reason their marriage may fall apart is because of his lack of emotion.

A lack of sympathy. His wife becoming distant doesn’t have to a problem, however. What’s making matters worse is the fact that Mark refuses to tell his wife about what happened to him as a boy. Were he more open, it could potentially remove the strain in their relationship.

His brother. As traumatic an upbringing as he had, Mark’s brother is still very much in his life. They grew up together in the same town and never left, and seeing as Mark’s never opened up to this family about his experiences, he can’t very well make up a reason to distance himself from his brother.

Drawing attention. Mark is also “forced” to be around his brother because he doesn’t want to draw attention. He’s afraid that if he tries to, his wife or mother might start asking why. He’s afraid that he’ll eventually be forced to reveal what really happened.

In his brother’s company. When Mark’s brother is around, he feels emasculated by him. It’s not even that his brother still behaves in a sexual or controlling way — it’s just his presence that does this to him. He feels weaker, both physically and emotionally.

In his wife’s company. He feels similarly when he’s around his wife as well. He believes that he’s not giving his wife as much attention as he ought to, and it makes him feel like he’s less of a man. He feels as though she perceives him as a weak husband, and hardly as a protector.

Constant suffering. Day in and day out, Mark is suffering. Especially now that he has children depending on his strength, he feels like he’s letting everything down. He believes that he doesn’t have enough to offer them, and sometimes even thinks they’d be better off without them.

His father. There are times when he considers the fact that his father walking out on him may also tie into his behavior. He often believes that the combination of being molested and abandoned has created a self-destructive cocktail, and he wonders if he would seem less traumatized if his father hadn’t ever left.

Defending it. Mark tries his best to convince himself that what happened between him and his brother wasn’t so uncommon. He likens it to something some kids “just do.” He doesn’t think it was particularly healthy or pleasant, but he’s convinced himself that it’s something he ought to just get over.

Blame. Very rarely does Mark blame anyone but himself. In fact, there are times when Mark turns the blame onto himself. He blames himself for not being stronger as a kid. He feels as though on one hand, his weakness may have attracted his brother, and on the other hand, he feels as though he could have done more to push his brother away.

Opening up. He’s considered telling his wife everything, especially for the sake of saving his family. He’s not sure if she would ever really leave him, but he wouldn’t blame her if she did. He just hopes that it’ll never come to that, and that he can someday find the courage to just be honest.