Things People Don’t Tell You About Sex With A Transperson

I remember the first time that people found out that my girlfriend wasn’t born a girl. There was a slew of questions about how we get it on, what my parents thought, and even whether I was “in denial” about my sexuality. There were a lot of questions that I often felt weird about answering in person, primarily because they were insanely intrusive.That being said, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that most people didn’t know what it was like. To a point, it felt like I should give people an idea of what it’s like to have sex with a transperson - if only to make them stop asking me directly. Here’s everything no one ever tells you about dating a person who's trans.

A Lot Of It Depends On How Far They Are In Transitioning. If they haven’t transitioned, it’s quite likely that sex will be very similar - if not identical - to what you’d have in a heterosexual relationship. If they’re actually going through the major parts of transitioning, you may find that they still have their original genitalia…but it might begin to look more androgynous.

Hormones Go Into Play. When I was with my girlfriend, her hormone replacement therapy made it hard for her to maintain an erection at times. Simply put, her testosterone was too low. Meanwhile, when I hooked up with a transman, I was pretty shocked to see that his clitoris had grown to the size of a small penis.

Some Transpeople Really Get Nervous About The Use Of Their Genitalia. A lot of transmen I know don’t like to have vaginal sex because of the fact that it reminds them that they’re female. My girlfriend who was trans, on the other hand, was okay with using her penis.

You Often Have To Talk Before It Goes Down. Having sex with a transperson often isn’t as simple as heterosexual relations. Basically, a lot of transfolk tend to appreciate when you ask them what you should expect and/or avoid when you’re with them in a sexual way.

It’s Also A Leap Of Trust. One person I know who transitioned from intersex to female had been beaten bloody once a past lover found out about her biological androgyny. Needless to say, there’s a lot of hate that transfolk face on a daily basis. If they’re allowing you to sleep with them, that’s often a big statement of trust.

When It Comes To Transmen, The Majority Of Them Will Not Have Penises. In order for a female to transition into a male, the surgery they would have to undergo would kill a large portion of their ability to feel things down there. It could also lead to a lifetime of pain. So, they often skip the surgery.

The Good News Is, Sex Toys Are Awesome Like That. Most transmen have prosthetics and strapons they use on a near-daily basis.

A Lot Of Transpeople Are Very Body Conscious. Who can blame them, though? They often are scared that they don’t “pass” or that people will freak out at what’s going on under the hood. This means that the first couple of times you are with a transperson, you should try to be very sensitive to their needs.

That Being Said, A Lot Of Them Are Very In Touch With Their Sexuality. If you’re looking for someone to experiment with, they will very likely be willing to help you learn about your kinky side. The key thing here to remember is that they want to be respected and treated as people - not as fetish objects.

They Also Tend To Be Very Knowledgeable About Sex. In other words, don’t be shocked if they are able to teach you new things about your body that you didn’t even know. It’s happened to me several times over.

If You Want To Really Impress A Transperson, Go For Romantic Sex. Sure, kinky sex is great and all, but that’s what most transpeople are approached with on a regular basis. On the other hand, it’s very rare for them to meet someone who actually wants to romance them and be with them.

From What I’ve Seen, There’s Often A Lot More Passion Involved. People who are trans really tend to be passionate about their gender and their sexuality as a whole. As a result, sex tends to be pretty intense.

But Really, Most Transfolk Can Do Anything Their Cisgendered Counterparts Can Do. Transmen can still penetrate their partners. Transwomen can still offer pleasure in ways a girl can.

Overall, It’s Exactly What Sex Should Be. It’s fun. It may be a bit different in a mechanical sense, but it’s still sex.

Now That You Know, Be Polite. And stop asking people who are complete strangers what sex with their significant other is like, and quit calling transpeople “its.”