Closing The Orgasm Gap

I first heard the term "Orgasm Gap" on Dr. Oz - he was chatting it up with Dr. Laura Berman (a famed sexologist) on how to get men and women to orgasm closer together. It's not a new subject - you know what I am talking about - right? The "Orgasm Gap" is all about how men need less time to get it going and get it off - and women often times need a longer warm up to get their engines firing on all cylinders. The goal for many people is to get as close as possible to the elusive simultaneous orgasm.

If you are in search of a few tips of how to get closer to that place of simultaneous combustion the number one tip on your list should be to slow it down even if that does not feel natural to you. The great part of the "slow it down tip" is that you both get to expand your pleasure.  So how can you slow it down?

Tips for Women:
1. Avoid his genitals for as long as possible when making love! That's right - I said avoid. I know it sounds silly when we are talking about having sex right? But I want you to start thinking about the entire body as a sexual organ - not just what is between our legs! Explore the different ways you can give his body pleasure and make him moan without actually touching his penis. Don't worry - you will get there. And when you do start slowly and mix it up with lots of other kinds of whole body touch.

Have you ever taken an ice cube and put it on his nipples? What would your hot breath and tiny nibbles on the back of his neck do to him? Can you run your breasts over his body? That will not only give him pleasure but will increase your own desire too. It's one of those double your pleasure - double your fun kind of activities! Ladies - our breasts and nipples are a huge power source of orgasmic pleasure! Use them to turn your partner on while you are turning yourself on.

2. Tune into your own sexual charge as your give him touch. Can you increase your breath? Can you play with your own pelvic floor muscles? Remember those kegal exercises where you practiced clenching and releasing? Working those places inside of yourself is a way of charging your own engine while sharing pleasure with your partner.

3. Take some responsibility for your own pleasure. While you are supporting him in slowing it down - you can help increase your own pleasure to catch up with his!
One way to do this is to start your own engine before you actually start making love. How could you do this? Could it be a bubble bath and romance novel? Remember you can read yourself sexy! For me - a big turn on is putting on sexy lingerie. Goodbye Riverdale housewife - hello sex kitten! There is something about putting on thigh high black silk stockings and some lace that is like putting a key in my own personal ignition. What is it for you? Think about it - and do it! Consider applying an arousal gel to yourself such Zestra before you start making love - and consider the use of a personal lubricant. All of these things are simple - and will help you close the orgasm gap for yourself!

4. Consider talking to him about using a desensitizing condom.Yes - we are talking about increasing the women's sensitivity with arousal gels and decreasing his to slow him down!Life is not always seem fair - but there could be a big pay off for the both of you in trying these on. Desensitizing condoms first came on the market around five years ago - and will not stop the male partner from enjoying love making or prevent him from having an orgasm. It just slows things down while you are trying to heat things up! Remember we are exploring closing the gap between female and male arousal!

5. Allow him to give your pleasure. That's right - surrender and let go of what you need to do to please him. His ability to give you pleasure is a big turn on to him! So let go of your mind and simply feel.
Tips for Men:
1. Read the tips for women!! Really - they will be very helpful to you too! Such as exploring the possibility of using products such as a desensitizing condom  to slow things down for yourself, surprise her by buying some arousal gels and lubricants for her! Arousal gels and lubricants can support many women in increasing their sensitivity to touch. Remember love making is like an experiment - try something new and collect the data! See what works and what doesn't.

2. Try on taking charge! Try telling her that this time it is all about her - and ask her to simply lay back and receive. By focusing on her pleasure you just might get her to turn on and get more deeply into her body - and I know that a turned on woman is what you want. It is a great way to close the orgasm gap. You can enhance her receving be placing something soft over her eyes such as folded towel or a blind fold. You want to support her in turning off her very active mind - and simply feeling. Asking her to close her eyes and go inside is a great way to do this.

3. Use your breath to slow things down and move your own sexual energy away from your genitals into your entire body. If the energy is heating up too fast in your body - shift to another position or try something else for a little while.
4. Support her arousal by giving her as much full body touch as possible. It's just not about a woman's genitals. See what touching her breasts for an extended amount of time does to her pleasure factor!

Tips for Couples:
1. Explore whether it is really important to either one of you to close the orgasm gap at all!  It might not be - and in the end trying to achieve any kind of orgasm at all might be making both of you have Orgasm Anxiety! All of the tips that I have offered will increase your pleasure whether you close the gap or not. And for me at least - that is what it is all about. Increasing pleasure - because pleasure can be transformational. You might want to try on the idea of the Organic Orgasm and see how this approach impacts the pleasure factor in your love making.

2. Approach love making as a playful experiment. You don't need to be attached to any particular outcome. You can always try something different next time. What would it feel like to try an arousal gel this time? What does more lubricant do to your pleasure factor? How did putting on sexy clothes or taking a bath together first effect your union?

3. Remember to be shameless in the bedroom. This is the place where we can let go of all our inhibitions and simply celebrate each other and being alive.